Van Helsing

This movie starts out well, and makes use of a cliché plotline that isn’t too overdone, and Hugh Jackman, though becoming rather typecast, does an excellent job as the soulless bounty hunter, Van Helsing. This movie is an attempt to bring together the Wolf man, Dracula, and the Monster of Dr. Frankenstein. In some senses, they are trying to pack in too much. The end all plot is that Dracula tries to bring his offspring to life instead of bursting into pussy little former embryos. And he needs Frankenstines formula to do that. I actually forget the significance of the wolfman, other than her is the servant of Dracula. Very Weird, and I didn’t really like the plot, particularly the incorporation of Frankenstein. 

Action wise, and as always Hugh Jackman does a great job, and the idea of Van Helsing a soulless man who fights evil in every place through out history is very fascinating, but used in this context, I found it rather disappointing. Kate Beckinsale plays the Romantic Interest and an equal in vampire hunting prowess, but dies at the end, which is very unformulaic and I was glad to see them step outside the box. 

All in all, this movie was lacking, but a fun cheap action flick with a slightly overcomplicated plot. This movie is also a tribute to the three monsters in question and the dir3ector studied the movies of Boris Karloff, Bellow Lugosi and Lon Cheney, and so in the presentation of the monsters, particularly the vampires I was quite pleased.

This movie is still a 2, because it is worth seeing. I think I definitely prefer other vampire movies to this oe however, including Underworld, Interview with a Vampire, John Carpenters Vampires, and Bram Stokers Dracula. Actually, this was better than John carpenters and had an element of realism despite the drastic and crazy fantasy world. I liked it.

Vantage Point

This is actually a very fascinating take on a film. It is about a 15 minute sequence of events which is told through a variety of characters and from several different points of view until the entire thing is woven together and brought to the point where you can see the whole thing and what’s really going on.

We follow some very amazing actors, too as the event unfolds as an attempted assassination of the president (William Hurt, Lost in Space) who is being protected by a secret serviceman (Dennis Quaid, The Rookie) and there’s a young father with a video camera (Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland) and a lot of other people involved.

That’s really all I can say, we watch this assassination 4 or 5 times and pretty soon you piece it all together, it’s slightly predictable, but very good in it’s execution, and that’s generally what matters with films, is the execution.

Not a while lot to say, 2.

Unforgiven

This movie is incredible. It is literally the quintessential Western. It’s  as most Clint Eastwood (Million Dollar Baby) films go, a hard hitting moral expose on a particular issue. This actually looks at the slant of morality in movies as a good thing. It’s like The Quiet Man, except in the end the quiet man snaps and kills a bunch of people. 

Eastwood stars as William Munny, reputed thief and murderer, of a mean and distemperate disposition. Long since cured of wickedness by his deceased wife, a kid comes by his farm one day in hopes of coaxing William into accompanying him to kill the men who assaulted a whore in Big Whiskey, Wyoming. Soon they’re joined by Ned Logan (Morgan Freeman, Million Dollar Baby), Munny’s old partner. 

To overcome the men they are being paid to kill, they will also have to overcome the sheriff of the town, “little” Bill Daggett (Gene Hackman, Narrow Margin). His cruelty is illustrated in a vignette about a man named English Bob (Richard Harris, Onece Upon a Time in the West). It’s a crazy and remarkable story about the ethics of killing in a time before they were really addressed. Daggett is also an incompetent Carpenter, which reveals a lot about his psychological make up.

The saddest scene is when the kid kills a man, and then is filled with remorse. It’s so strange to watch them go through the experiences that are common place to the Western, and see them genuinely be changed. The most powerful scenes follow immediately, as William is changed and transforms from William Munny, Farmer, to William Munny, Dude. The Suit of armor is a noticeable trend to Eastwood, who plays off his earlier western persona’s  and gains a physical, visual suit of personhood. He beceoms the Darker person. Simply incredible. A Definite 2

Under Siege

This is perhaps Steven Seagall’s (The Glimmer Man) most famous film. It also stars Tommy Lee Jones (The Fugitive) and Gary Busey (Soldier) as Seagall plays the cook on a warship in the Navy. This cook used to be a Navy SEAL, however, and when the ship is taken over, complete with it’s 24 Tomahawk nuclear warheads, He’s the only one who can be counted to save everyone else.

That’s basically it, it’s a standard action kung fu gun movie, with a little nudity, and lots of swearing. Jones is brilliant as an over the top terrorist, and Busey as always is great with the cussing and shikanery. It’s a real fun 2 action flick. I also like On Deadly Ground. 

I’m not sure what else to say. Steven Seagall kills a lot of people, and saves even more. The final fight between him and Jones is actually really well done.

Used Cars

This movie is really a classic b-movie. It’s got Kurt Russell (The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes) as a man who is the best used car salesman in the county. He’s caught in a dealership war between two twin brothers, and is constantly scheming to make money, but not upset the balance.

Like many b-movies, this plays as a series of 3 vignettes. There’s the vignette about interrupting the television signal, and accicdentally showing the naked woman ( a popular penthouse spread at the time) and the vignette about false advertising and teaching kids to drive in mexico, and of course the vignette about the owner dying and trying to fake like he’s still alive, until you can find his estranged daughter so his eveil twin brother doesn’t inherit his dealership.

These vignettes play themselves out in a ridiculous and slapstick manner, which is comical, but not that great. I enjoyed watching this movie, but I really wouldn’t recommend it, or rewatch it. It’s just not really worth it. 1.

Ultraviolet

Before I say anything about this movie, I want to say, worst visual effects ever. EVER. The cityscapes and horizons in this movie are the worst CG I’ve ever seen. Jurassic Park was better and that was made 14 years ago. They hardly had PC’s back then. Literally. Not all the effects were bad, and in a charming way it took on the likeness of a Comic Book without being like the fruity Joel Schumacher (Dir. Batman Forever) vision of comic-scapes. But seriously…do not hire whoever they hired.

Aside from that, the plot was quite enjoyable, though a little vague at times. Milla Jovovich (Resident Evil) plays a sadly typecast, but still enjoyable saviour character, as Violet Song Yi Sharriff. Her voiceovers are tacky, but her delivery is sometimes quite charming, particulary when asked why she is stealing government property, she responds, “Because I hate humans, with every fiber of my being.” It’s actually quite chilling.

She is of course hemophage, a human turned into a Vampire-like human because of a blood disorder created by a government run genetic engineering program. She gets all the perks, though, including superhuman strength, speed, senses, but she has to drink blood to survive. Sadly, the vampire angle is downplayed a lot, and is nothing like Underworld.

She has stolen a government weapon which turns out to be a genetically engineered child who’s DNA may be used to destroy humans, in an odd plot twist. The visuals are quite beautiful at times, and the fight scenes are quite cathartic, particularly one in which Violet takes on 18 men with pistols, and uses only her bare hands.

The fight scenes are quite good, on par with Kung Fu Hustle, and quite comic bookish in their own right. The plot is week, but does enough to keep you interested if you care at all. There is also a great performance by Michael Fichtner (The Postman) as Garth, who is similar to the Cane character in the blade trilogy.

Zero Effect

For this, my 100^th Movie Review, I have chosen to do my all-time favorite movie. This is not the best movie in any particular way, but it just strikes my fancy in a certain way, the characters and the dialogue are amazing, and I could watch it over and over again and never get tired of it, seeing brand new things every time. The chemistry between all the actors is amazing, really.

Bill Pullman (Independence Day) plays the incomparable Darryll Zero, a modern Sherlock Holmes, complete with queer manner and opium addiction. Ben Stiller (Zoolander) plays his totally normal legal assistant, who works as his liaison for all public work. The Private Investigation world is ruled by Zero, he is the man. Ryan O’Neal (Paper Moon) is Gregory Stark, the next client, and “someone is holding something BIG over this guys head”. As it turns out, the lead suspect (Kim Dickens, Mercury Rising) is also the perfect match for the hapless Zero, king of cool on the job, but not much of anything any other time. 

The romance, comedy, detective story, and drama is in perfect balance, and there are so many quotables that I find myself saying, not to quote the movie, but just because that’s how real life sounds. Amazing. I can really only give it a 3 on a scale of 1-2.